Stages of development: Looking at Adulthood
by Shirley M.R. Minster
Part One
Being Responsible Adults
As the new year unfolds, let us reflect on the past year and consider how we approached the myriad responsibilities we had. Did we act in an adult manner, facing each situation head on or did we hope that ugly times would pass by us or fade away of their own accord? Did we accept the challenge to grow through difficulties or did we bemoan the fact that we had to deal with them?
How one looks at any situation will determine how he acts. Alexandra Fuller wrote,
“A man’s idea of an elephant, for example, is bound to change depending on whether he experiences the animal at the end of a telephoto lens, the end of his millet plot, or as a weekly stew.” (September 2005 National Geographic article ‘Return to Zambia’)
When we were children, we thought simplistically because our brains were not developed enough to evaluate problems in all their complexity. What was right in front of us was what we dealt with or we just pulled the blanket over our heads and pretended that it wasn’t there. As we grew up, we were increasingly able to consider all the options to a problem and the end results of actions we might take. We began to enjoy planning and executing our solutions. We also liked being able to take on more responsibilities and to have others see that we were mature.
Lately I have been studying what it really means to be an adult. The simple definition of ‘adult’ is ‘full grown, mature’. It’s a simple process of growing from a child’s body to an adult body. Looking deeper into the definitions, amazingly nowhere did I read that to be adult means to be able to think soundly, to make decisions after having considered all the facts, or to be relied upon by others when situations require stability. It is quite simply the act of growing up.
Being a responsible adult, on the other hand, means to be answerable for our actions. This is where adults in our society are failing miserably. We do not seem to realize that all grown-ups are supposed to be accountable for their actions. We are to confess when we do wrong and then accept the consequences and learn from them. Accountability is imperative, not a suggested action. No longer should we toss out flimsy reasons to justify our actions, but instead be able to give well-reasoned explanations. If we cannot do this, then it is difficult for our children to learn what a responsible adult is.
Life is not a free ride, but it is exciting and exhilarating. Though there are many twists and turns in the road and times when we would
rather take the exit when we see that up ahead is something difficult, we would do better to face it head-on. That’s what a grown-up does. If we make an error in judgment, confess it and move on further down the road. It may be a narrow road, but it’s filled with compassionate people willing to encourage us.
Part Two
Stage of Middle Adulthood
The importance of recognizing different stages of development cannot be underplayed. Statistics show that American society is graying and morepeople are entering middle adulthood than in any other age category. As we learn more about this stage, we will be better able to understand ourown perceptions as well as those around us.
Middle adulthood is from age 35 to 65. In the physical realm, this meansthat adults are beginning to experience less strength and energy. Notonly do they tire more easily, but physical senses decline in acuity.Adaptive devices such as glasses and hearing aids are considered andpurchased. People are more prone to illness and disease which meanslearning a whole new lingo as they grapple with finding new doctors andusing new prescriptions. Women are dealing with peri-menopause andmenopause. Naturally, their husbands, children, friends, and coworkersare learning how to exhibit patience and control the tongue while womenmove gracefully through this physical and emotional stage.
Choosing to lead a healthy lifestyle of well-balanced meals, regular exercise, and mental stimulation will help keep middle adults physically and mentally healthy. They are still capable of learning, but short term memory skills are decreasing. This means that it takes longer to understand new concepts and to memorize lists and numbers. The upside is that they become more creative and their comprehension increases. Not only that, but mental flexibility increases as well and they are better able to think outside the box. This ability is important to recognize because the computer age is driving society to move faster and faster. Middle adults, especially as they reach the upper end of this age, prefer to discuss issues and to step back and reflect before making major decisions. This certainly does not mean that they are choosing to not work with a problem, but simply that they want to consider all the options and look for just the right solution.
Younger adults may become frustrated because they are focused on following societal rules and becoming responsible adults. They know that they must raise their children consistently so it can tend to irk them when the older adults are perceived as too laid back. (“Don’t they know how important it is that our child be in bed by 8:00 PM. Snacks before dinner will ruin the children.”) That, of course, is why grandchildren love to be with grandparents. The older folks have more patience and realize that consistency is important. They also have learned that spontaneity is just as vital in life. In that sense, they become like the children and enjoy the simpler things in life while the parents are rushing around paying bills, making educational decisions for their children, and trying to understand life.
As the middle adults age, their children leave home. Readjusting to couplehood may be cause for celebration or sorrow, depending on how healthy the relationship was while the children were home. It is more unusual for middle adults to start joining organizations as they reach their 50s. Instead, they are choosing which organizations they want to continue to belong. The preference is to devote much time to one or two groups so that they can serve well rather than to many and not do much. The career is no longer quite so important because they are beginning to consider retirement.
The journey in middle adulthood includes many adjustments as some activities end and others begin. It’s a recommitment to one’s spouse and friends. There are twists and turns in the road, but the adventures make it all worthwhile!
About the author
Shirley M.R. Minster, M.S. Ed., is a Master Degree certified teacher who holds credentials in education, educational guidance, and counseling. As an ardent supporter of homeschooling and individualized learning programs, she uses her extensive credentials to advocate for individual families and the right to choose the educational program that works best for the children.
She is founder of Home Education & Family Services, a full-time service organization offering a wide variety of helps and resources for homeschooling families, and Royal Academy, a unique alternative to traditional schools that is based upon the model of parental involvement in the education of their children. Shirley has worked in the field of education and with homeschooling families located throughout the world for over 25 years.
Visit the web site: http://www.homeeducator.com/HEFS for more information about Shirley’s work and services.
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