“People” Skills: Why Kids Today Need Them
by Charlie Copps

Parents take pride in their children’s academic and athletic accomplishments, and rightfully so. Setting goals, and working to achieve them despite challenges or setbacks, are vital life skills with applications extending well beyond the classroom and playing field. From childhood on, we use these and other essential “people skills,” to relate with others, strengthen our interpersonal relationships, enhance our workplace performance, heighten our impact on others, and more. While academic prowess and athletic excellence are to be applauded, they shine most brightly when combined with essential people skills.

Job recruiters, for example, look for candidates who bring more then job-related skills. Ideal candidates demonstrate job-related and people skills: they make eye contact, shake hands firmly, introduce themselves with a smile, speak clearly, ask questions, and convey interest. In the workplace, people skills are valued as highly as technical or other job-specific knowledge. Successful business leaders use people skills to motivate employees, inspire loyalty, connect with board members and shareholders, and encourage investor confidence.

Interpersonal relationships thrive on people skills, too. Adults use people skills when they meet new people and interact with friends, and to cement emotional bonds with family members. Kids use people skills to help achieve goals in every area of their lives, too. In the process, they gain confidence in their ability to handle the choices and challenges they will face as adolescents, teenagers, and young adults.

How do today’s kids stack up?

Are kids today learning the vital people skills they’ll need to successfully navigate through life? Have simple things like a genuine “hello”, a smile while greeting someone, asking questions that express interest, (and listening to the responses), using “telephone manners,” and treating others with respect gotten lost in the blur of our increasingly fast-paced lifestyle? In my opinion, the answer is “yes,” and it’s easy to understand why.

For one, “kid life” today is focused more on technology and less on social interaction. Video games, cell phones, palm-sized music libraries and laptops let kids entertain themselves, text message their friends, listen to music, and email their grandparents, without seeing, or speaking with, anyone. Under increasing pressure to meet standardized testing requirements, schools are more inclined to fund programs designed to improve test scores, than those designed to teach people skills. In-school opportunities for socialization are shrinking along with recess and phys-ed requirements. With many students devoting after-school hours to private lessons and tutoring, time to socialize and explore other interests is at a premium.

Social factors like these have de-emphasized the importance of people skills and decreased chances for kids to learn and practice them. Yet teaching and reinforcing these principles is vitally important, and can make a huge difference in the life of a child, (and the adult he or she will become).

Through my work with young people, I have seen the transformation that takes place when they master these important life lessons. As they apply newly learned people skills to everyday life situations, they grow more self-assured, and carry themselves with greater confidence. They make eye contact and initiate conversation more readily, are less intimidated when entering unfamiliar social situations, and are more likely to show respect for ideas or feelings that differ from their own. This self-assuredness makes a difference at home and in the classroom, where teachers and parents report improvements in behavior and attitude.

After helping kids learn and practice essential people skills, I ask them to evaluate the result of applying them to their own lives. Did using people skills make a difference, and if so, how? “Using people skills helped me make friends,” and, “I know how to stand up for myself now,” are among the many and varied positive responses I’ve received. Similar feedback from the kids I’ve worked with reinforces the fundamental purpose of teaching people skills: giving kids the understanding and awareness they need to confidently enter any social situation.

How can parents help?

Clearly, people skills do make a difference, and not teaching them to our kids does them a disservice. What can parents do to help their kids understand, value and use essential people skills? Step one: make it a priority to re-emphasize their importance. The tips that follow can help.

Demonstrate the value of people skills by using them yourself. For example, be sure to greet your daughter’s softball coach and other parents on the first day of practice. Later, after she tells you all about practice, tell her that you got in some good “people skill” practice, too: you remembered to make eye contact, said “hello” first, mentioned the other person’s name, shook hands firmly, etc. Showing your daughter what you did, and telling her why you did it, encourages her to do the same.

When you’re stuck in a long line at the bank or grocery store, let your child know that adults have to remind themselves to be patient sometimes, too. Emphasize with his feelings, then lead by example: you feel like yelling and stamping your feet, but that wouldn’t be fair to everyone else nearby. Instead, distract yourself (and him) by asking how he copes with feelings of impatience.

When you run into a friends or acquaintances, be sure to introduce them to your child. It’s a chance for him to practice meeting and greeting new people, and a chance for you to demonstrate conversation skills like asking questions, and active listening. Later, explain that asking questions helps you get to know the other person better, and listening without interrupting shows that you’re interested in what’s being said.

Make sure your kids learn about people skills from other sources as well. Doing so will validate and reinforce the knowledge and hands-on examples you provide. Use learning materials to provide an independent voice or third party perspective. It will encourage your kids to learn on their own, and help them to develop the people skills approach that works best for them.

At their core, people skills emphasize the importance of respecting the opinions and feelings of others. Kids use people skills to help them feel good about who they are, more comfortable about interacting with others, and to project themselves more confidently. More than anything, parents want their kids to become adults who are as successful and fulfilled in their interpersonal relationships as they are in their careers. Given the essential people skills your kids need to succeed at life, kids use them. In the process, they gain the confidence to make new friends, try new things, resist negative peer pressure, and handle challenges throughout childhood and beyond.

About the author:
Charlie Copp is program coordinator for BOOST KIDS that teaches, demonstrates, and reinforces the value of applying people skills to everyday life. His work with BOOST KIDS confirms what Copp has always believed: that kids and teens are hungry for character-building life skills, and with them gain the confidence needed to succeed in the classroom, on the playing field, in their interpersonal relationships, and on the job. For further information on BOOST KIDS, visit www.boostkids.com